The Red Knob

Testicles were obvious by their absence at the recent RCN ‘do’ at Cavendish Square. Of about 90 delegates at the sexual health forum annual bash, only 7 on the list were preceded with a ‘MR’. That’s a pretty poor show!!! I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again - it’s not that I don’t think women can do this job - if that were the case I’d be out of work and down the job centre flogging my wares and possibly my arse to keep the wolf from the door. But this is a disgrace really. No reflection on the RCN , of course, they just administrate the applications. No! it’s a disgrace across the field of sexual health. Why are we not being more creative and pro-active in recruiting men - and, with no offence to our gay bretheren meant, straight ones at that - to this area of work? The more I think about it, the more I think this needs some proper research so we can move on from just accepting the status quo (who wants to go through life only singing songs that require the same 3 chords?!) There must be some serious blockages going on to keep men out of this field.

Some years ago, I heard about a trainer who bravely  introduced an exercise on a youth worker training programme, with one group looking at the question ‘what does it mean to be young’ and another group looking at ‘what does it mean to be a man’. This was taken straight out of a popular published and recommended guide to developing boys and young men’s work in youth services. We’ve all used it ( no prizes for guessing)  - and the exercise. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t…but it’s meant to make a point, however…The ubiquitous flip-chart sheets were dutifully labelled ‘young’ and ‘man’, the group divided into two smaller groups and fat coloured pens predictably distributed. The idea was that they’d come back and ‘compare and contrast’ the answers and magically notice how the things that define ‘young’ and ‘man’ are so very different that the group would instantly become empathic and understanding of this crucial dichotomy affecting the young men using their services. That’s the theory.

And what actually happened?  The two men in the group (out of about a dozen women - this was a training event for part-time youth workers after all!!) found themselves unable to answer the second question - they were utterly lost when asked to define what it was to be a man. And the women wrote things like ‘bastard’ and ’selfish slob’ and proceeded to swap stories about their acrimonious divorces. The trainer changed tack and challenged the group to acknowledge and consider how these attitudes were likely to impact on their practice but the unprovoked aggression of the women had, by this time,  put the men on the defensive and the workshop dissolved into accusation and counter-accusation.

I hasten to add that this was taken to the manager and was followed up with the persons involved and the trainer is now much more experienced and confident. Nothing like learning on the job. That exercise could be used as an example of what NOT to do on training about working with boys and young men. It is, however, a response that I continue to see in my own practice- albeit in a less vociferous form than that example. In experienced hands it can be used to make a valid point, but in less experienced ones  - well, you’ve read the above. Just last year I had a training resource defaced with permanent marker - it was an exercise about developmental stages in children and one of the statement cards read ‘ability to multi-task’ under which someone had written ‘WOMEN ONLY!!’ I had to point out to the group that this is a recognised HUMAN ability and is not gender specific. I frequently hear comments from women generalising about men’s undesirable traits of behaviour or attitude even after we have made group agreements where delegates have agreed to ‘not judge each other and respect the diversity within the group’. I am curious about what fuels this undercurrent of distrust  (verging on a rampant misandry that would not be tolerated  in terms of attitudes to women - or around gay men’s issues )  - and quite how much influence it has on practice.

This needs some serious attention as a contributing factor in the very real gender issue that faces us in the provision of sexual health education and clinical services. Serious attention. Anyone out there want to fund some proper research?

Filed under: Op Ed